AngelinaTaylor

True loyal friends tell you NOT NOT NOT NOT PLEADS BEGS NOT NOT to do anything that may cause you harm. And they don't judge. They say it like it is and there's no hidden agendas. It's not some girlfriend or boyfriend that you are "fixing" and there's no thought of the "me-me-me-mine-me-mine" mentality. No, a true friend is encouragingly thoughtful, and has the courage to tell another human that he or she is great and beautiful. There's another co-existing courage. That is the courage to call your true friend's out if you think they are out of line somewhere.

For every truly good person there are in this world who are actively making a difference with not a single inkling of hidden agenda, there are hundreds of corporate defense lawyers, thousands of office desks, 18 McDonalds, and 12 liquor stores, 1 of which is a gas station that sells alcohol. And that's just in my town. Pushing, pushing, pushing. And everyone has their poison. Everyone has their "thing". But how many people's "things" go torward proactive involvement attempting to leave a better world than the one introduced?

-JustPlainMe

Posted in life

Since pretty much no one reads this, I can be as honest and as blunt and as emotional as I want.

So you feel close to someone, and then some day, one of you decides that you shouldn't be close anymore. Isn't it odd? And when it really sinks in, doesn't it change your entire little world? It's what I'm trying to get used to. Everything's different. I guess two years can do a lot to someone, especially an 18-year-old. And I can honestly say this is the lowest I've felt in years. Self esteem - gone. Motivation - forgot what that feels like. Sleep is evading me and the thought of failure doesn't even scare me. I'm playing in a masterclass tomorrow and I'm definitely NOT ready, and look what I'm doing. Writing this stupid entry instead of going to practice. But I don't even care anymore.

"All the best with your stuff as well, you have a great future indeed" - why the hell would you say such a thing when the last thing you've said was that you're busy and won't even TRY putting any effort into the relationship? When you looked into my eyes and lied that you still had feelings for me, yet you just couldn't do this anymore. Why not just hit me with the cold, hard truth and tell me I'm not pretty enough, I'm not old/mature enough, I'm white and poor, I'm not smart like you or your friends, and my career definitely won't be as successful as yours? I already know all these things. It's not like it's going to kill me. Better than giving me false hope, right? Because right now I keep hoping you'd call and tell me you love me and want me back. But I shouldn't be this stupid. 
"Great future". Hah. If it was so great you'd want to be in it, wouldn't you?

When someone doesn't want to be in your life anymore, it's end of story, goodbye, move on. Right? Then why can't I do that? I just want my life to go back to normal, and I know it's not going to happen when I smoke a pack a day and can't stop thinking about him. I should be focusing on competitions, what the hell am I doing? I need a reality check, I need someone to tell me I'm stupid and naive and idiotic and a moron and all these wonderful things, so that I can realize how unimportant all of this should be.

Posted in life

Posted in life

I just don't believe in anything anymore.

Posted in life